So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
