Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
