Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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