she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
