Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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