dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
