Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and she was petting her beer can
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
