So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
