Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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