remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
