When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
