you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
