Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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