Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
