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i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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