He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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