I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
