I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So vagazzling was a success
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
