Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
