am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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