You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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