anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
