is your mom at the bar?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
