My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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