I hate your face
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
