Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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