It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
