So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
