I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
