I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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