this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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