I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
