i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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