I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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