I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
