It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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