What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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