he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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