I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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