Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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