Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
PANTIES FOUND
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