i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
