so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
