I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
