at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
