Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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