in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A+ Viking dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
