Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
