Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
