Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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