You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
