My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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