How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think my vagina is haunted
love makes seman taste better
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Randomize
