This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
