I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
