My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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