whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Randomize
