I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
